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NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Pritzker Calls Up Guard for Chicago for Chauvin Verdict

April 20, 2021

Yes, the former Minneapolis cop Derek Chauvin has been convicted of all charges on Tuesday afternoon.   However, on Monday, our fearless Governor J.B. Pritzker announced he was calling up the National Guard to, in his words, to protect “those who wish to peacefully protest against the systemic racism and injustice that holds back too many of our communities.”

Peacefully protest?  Like the mostly “peaceful protests” last summer?

Is this a joke?  Or is it the Babylon Bee?  Oh no, it’s real:  WGN Chicago!

CHICAGO — Governor JB Pritzker is activating the Illinois National Guard Tuesday at the request of the City of Chicago due to the upcoming Chauvin trial verdict.

The governor’s office said 125 members of the Illinois National Guard will deploy to Chicago beginning on Tuesday to support the Chicago Police Department as needed.

“At the request of Mayor Lightfoot, I am activating members of the Illinois National Guard to support the city in keeping our communities safe,” said Governor JB Pritzker. “It is critical that those who wish to peacefully protest against the systemic racism and injustice that holds back too many of our communities continue to be able to do so. Members of the Guard and the Illinois State Police will support the City of Chicago’s efforts to protect the rights of peaceful protestors and keep our families safe.”

We’ll save the debate over just how seriously the jury members took their duties.

But, speaking of the Babylon Bee, we think we should tease a recent post of theirs…

Jurors To Read Their Final Wills Before Giving Verdict

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After hours of sequestered deliberation, the jury in the Derek Chauvin trial has reached a decision. Before that, however, they will be each reading their last wills to ensure their affairs are in order before giving the verdict. 

 “Yeah, we reached a verdict pretty quickly, but most of our time deliberating was actually spent on LegalZoom getting our affairs in order,” said one nervous juror who was decked out in Kevlar and a fireproof hazmat suit. “We will be reading our wills aloud so there will be witnesses just in case the peaceful protestors murder us all.” 

Scary how they write that stuff, isn’t it?

One Response to NOT THE BABYLON BEE: Pritzker Calls Up Guard for Chicago for Chauvin Verdict

  1. Dale Menard on April 21, 2021 at 4:31 am

    Remember when Trump wanted to send in the National Guard? Democrats had a fit.