by Frank Sharpe

The following statement is issued by the Society Against Reason, Comprehension And Sound Minds:

Today at Lone Star College’s CyFair campus in Cypress, Texas, a white male went on a stabbing spree leaving 14 injured.

The attacker was armed with a military-style knife, also known as the “X-Acto.” The X-Acto knife is the “civilian” version of the standard military medical scalpel.  Scalpels are issued to combat surgeons in battle during times of war!

In the United States, X-Acto knives are sold over-the-counter to children! Many come with multiple blades, and are completely unregulated in most jurisdictions!

Some will claim that X-Acto knives have a “sporting purpose” because they are used by civilian “hobbyist” and “historians” in the construction of scale models of military equipment.

Much like violent video games, this so-called “modeling” is just another gateway to violent behavior!

We call upon Congress to act immediately and ban such knives!

At the very least, we must demand background checks, serial numbers, registration and waiting periods.

It is the opinion of this commentator that such deadly tools of war belong in the battlefield operating room, not on the streets of America!  Only a trained, military doctor should have access an X-Acto knife!

Frank Sharpe
S.A.R.C.A.S.M. President

5 thoughts on “FRANK SHARPE: A call for common sense knife control.”
  1. All I can think about is all of the children that have access to these military-style knives. And that some parents out there show them how to use them. After coming to my senses, I immediately packed mine up and surrendered it at the local police department. I feel safer already.

  2. Better done than most Conservative attempts at parody. Points off for using the Fallacy of False Equivalence, though.

  3. ?OMG!!! I have 2 of these and didn’t even know how dangerous they can be! I bought one new and the other was a gift from Menards and has a light attachment.
    So far they have not attacked me or any of my friends that visit on occasion, but one never knows when they will “go off the deep end” and convince someone to take ahold of them to attack without warning. Should I be in fear of attack?! …I think not, but might lock them down in my firearms safe to be “safe” from unexpected attack, just hope they don’t attack before I can grab a self-defense firearm to protect myself. …/SARC!


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