Police believe a morbidly obese woman snuck a handgun into Sox Field last weekend. No, she didn’t hide it in her kitty cat. Instead, they think she secreted it in by hiding it in her fat rolls.
Help, I think I just threw up a little. Hot, 90+ degree summer heat, folds of bodyfat and a gun.
The NY Post has the retched details:
We can guarantee you did not have this on your Bingo card.
Multiple people were struck Friday night by gunfire at the White Sox game at Guaranteed Rate Field in Chicago.
An investigation into how this possibly could have happened was carried out and the conclusion almost defies belief.
Peggy Kusinski reported on ESPN 1000 in Chicago on Tuesday that the shooting was an “accidental discharge”.
Furthermore, in explaining how the gun could have made it past the metal detectors that have become standard at the entrances of every major league sporting event in the country, Kusinski said one of the women who was grazed by a bullet in the incident “snuck the gun in past metal detectors hiding it in the folds of her belly fat.”
I expect that the super fat among us will face more scrutiny if they set off metal detectors in the future at sporting / entertainment events.
The metal detector did go off, Kusinski said, but the woman was able to make it past security after setting it off.
Co-host John “Jurko” Jurkovic was in disbelief, asking: “How big is this woman? Because that’s something you’d want to ascertain to know how many different spots might this apparatus have been hidden in.”
Lordy. Oh Lordy.
UPDATE #2: Second City Cop says it may have been a Chicago Public School teacher… who lives in the suburbs in violation of the residency requirement).