Mark Morford ( email address: )  – author, columnist, yoga teacher and admirer of trees – probably thinks most gun owners are too illiterate to read his vulgar, bigoted screed against them published today in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Once you read his piece, you won’t be surprised to learn that the Chronicle’s daily circulation remains in decline.  The Chronicle’s effort to recoup some of those losses in the form of an online paywall to read their tripe hasn’t been going so well either.  It gets better still.  Their plan to arrest their problems?  ” …[J]ournalists will undergo two months of rigorous training — in… a digital and social media boot camp.”

Mark Morford must have decided that so long as he gets clicks in social media from an echo chamber of like-minded individuals that everything would be good.  Even though those clicks don’t translate into ad revenue – especially when browsers (like mine) are using AdBlocker software.

His editors must either approve of bigoted opinion columns masquerading as news reports, or perhaps they were off to their social media boot camp experience.  Either way they published this trash.

My comments in red.

Scared white guys spur Black Friday gun sales to record high

by Mark Morford

(San Francisco Chronicle) – How to unpack the creepy, disquieting factoid that gun sales over the Thanksgiving weekend shot, as it were, to a record high?

True. Upwards of 175,000 requests for background checks over Black Friday, the FBI says, which is about three requests per second, which is triple the norm but still just behind December 21, 2012, right after the Sandy Hook massacre, when gun sales freakishly skyrocketed. Because nothing says “We need to come together to stop all the gun deaths” than stocking up on bullets in case the scary black president comes to take away your Glock.  Because, of course, if you’re opposed to the president’s policies, you’re a racist afraid of our “scary black president”.

The scary black president! He’s part of the problem, no? He’s one of them, the real reason so many people bought a gun this holiday.  Because those who bought guns this holiday – including tens of thousands buying guns for the first time – are doing so because they are all afraid of black people?  Right.  Question sir:  Who are the black gun buyers afraid of?  Oh, that’s right:  black people!  How silly of me!   According to at least one shop owner, a large percentage of gun buyers mentioned one singular event as a motivating factor for their purchase. Can you guess?

That’s right: Ferguson.

Ferguson? You mean the place where the white cop murdered that unarmed black kid  Keep going with that mainstream media lie, Mark.  Despite mountains of evidence to the contrary. , and wasn’t even indicted for it, and the police responded to the subsequent outrage/heartbreak from the local black community with even more brutality by way of a shocking assortment of military-grade weaponry: enormous tanks and tear gas and riot gear, all of sufficient scale and ruthlessness to outfit an army unit in Afghanistan, because that’s exactly what it was? That Ferguson? Yes indeed.  You’re right Mark:  We should let feral bands of non-productive anarchists from across America loot, rob and pillage their way through the entirety of St. Louis to work out their outrage/heartbreak!

So. Want to try and unpack this creepy factoid? Break it down a little? It’s not difficult:

You’re a scared white person, almost certainly male.  Unless you’re a woman.  Or a black woman.  You do not live in a major city you’re a hillbilly hick!, or near a university or intellectual hub of any note you’re an illiterate hillbilly hick!, nor have you ever traveled very far from your home town you’re an unsophisticated, illiterate hillbilly hick!, much less out of state or anywhere further than, say, Mexico. Once. And that was enough.  You’re a xenophobic unsophisticated, illiterate hillbilly hick!

You do not read complicated books. You can’t read at all!  You do not like new or weird things.  You’re not smart enough to learn.  You watch lots of TV You’re stupid, mostly Fox News which we all know is horribly biased, which rejoices in showing you endless images of angry foreigners and minorities in pain: tear gas explosions, fights in the streets, looting, this time involving sad, small-town black people in Ferguson, all of them protesting the acquittal of that murderous white cop.  That white cop who defended himself against a strong-armed robber, high on pot, who broke bones in the cop’s face and tried to disarm the cop before that “murderous white cop” shot his attacker’s “Dindu Nuffin'” butt in self-defense.

“But it’s not only Missouri!” squeal a number of crudely pink-faced blondes on Fox News. “Angry black people – and white liberals too! – are protesting everywhere, from Oakland to Chicago to New York, perhaps even somewhere within, say, 200 miles of where you live!” Too close for comfort, that’s for sure.  You’re paranoid on top of being a xenophobic unsophisticated, illiterate hillbilly hick!  Go commit an unsanitary act with your sister, will you!

Morford goes on to conclude his pathetic screed with this bit of wishful thinking:

But here’s the surreal catch: it’s not for protection, per se. It’s not about the childish fantasy of how the gun defends against the rapist, or the drug dealer, or the Russian mafia kingpin who kidnapped your daughter for the second time, and this time it’s personal.

The gun is uncomplicated, primitive defense against something far more terrifying and murky: everything you do not know. Guns provide an illusion of security, a violent, make-believe defense against a world that’s too complex, with injustices too prodigious, rage too tempting and calm, peaceful acts of love far too difficult to locate. They make you feel, in short, like you might have a chance.

But as the Ferguson/Michael Brown tragedy proved (for the 10,000th time), despite all that savage promise, the gun fails. Like it always has. Like it always will. Every. Single. Time.

The gun fails.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Right?

Sure.  Just like firearms played no role in protecting blacks in the south from the Ku Klux Klan, right?

That’s why Americans firearms play no role in thwarting over a two million violent crimes each year, right?

That’s why people like Mark Morford calls good guys with guns when they feel scared by the bad man with evil in their heart, is it not?

What happens when the good guys with guns don’t get there in time?  Or when good people don’t have guns of their own to defend themselves before other good guys with guns can arrive?

Here’s a sample:

This was the bed of one of the Petit family’s daughters, where she was tied to the bed, then raped.  Repeatedly by two bad men with evil in their hearts.

Then the intruders doused her and the bed with gasoline and set it all alight – while she was still alive and conscious.

Sam Colt would have made that teenage girl equal to the two (white) men who invaded their home and committed unspeakable acts against the mother and the two teen daughters.

Look it up.

We imagine the only “gun” Mark Morford has will be piddling down his leg if and when he meets America’s criminal culture in person someday – either at home or in public.  We wish him all the best.  In fact, if I used Depends, I might send him one to keep handy.  After all, the gun fails.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Right Mark?

5 thoughts on “BIGOT: SF Chronicle publishes vulgar, bigoted screed against gun owners”
  1. The self-righteous is pretty thick from the tree-loving yoga master. Hope he doesn’t hurt himself patting his ignorant self on the back with his condescension.

    Send the bastard a douche. He need to use one.

    He’s obviously got sand in his mangina that real men can protect their families, while he sips chardonnay and admires his Birkenstocks.

  2. Fails? “Every. Single. Time.”?

    Hey John, I sent my precious little 5’2″ wife to your class with my Glock. Think it would fail? Think she would fail? Ha!

    Or do you think anybody trying any sh-t at my house when I’m not home is going to get perforated, quickly and accurately by a vicious mama bear?

    The little pansy who wrote this insulting piece of fiction is obviously a gamma male pajama boy unable to cope with reality, let alone any sort of violent conflict.

    He’ll be an owned victim.
    Every. Single. Time.

  3. Thanks for the laughs, I needed them after all the tense race discussion lately. 🙂 NO preconceived notions about any people group in that column whatsoever! What an enlightened fellow! I’ll always fondly remember Milton Friedman asking Phil Donahue: “And just tell me where in the world you find these angels that are going to organize society for us?” lol WE FOUND ONE!!

  4. I’m a 40 year old white male, working at the University of Illinois for just over eight years now, born and raised here, but I did travel to 20 countries over two years on a ship as a volunteer performing charity work (including *gasp* four countries in AFRICA!!!). I took the full battery WAIS III IQ test and scored 138 on abstract reasoning and verbal comprehension, I have several black friends, have all my life, I once dated a black woman (very dark complected if you must know and we even had sex!!! Still one of the sweetest most genuine and respectable human beings I’ve ever known, still keep in touch) and OMG, I LOVE GUNS!!! Not fond of our scary black president though – lol

    Sounds like he wants our military and police disarmed too? Not wingnut at all.

  5. I would have read this, but I’m illiterate…which means I can’t post any comments, either.

Comments are closed.