Remember we urged people not to “hold my beer and watch this” when it comes to launching their own fireworks? Well, here’s one for you in case you didn’t visit France in the last couple of days.
First though, the Babylon Bee:
Dad Unsure Why He Should Take Family To Free Fireworks Extravaganza When He Can Do Five-Minute Show In Driveway For $800
SPRINGFIELD, MA — Local father of three Drake Burlingham is reportedly unsure if he should take his children to the free fireworks show at nearby Blunt Park since he can put on his own show in the driveway for the low price of $800.
“It’ll be great, kids!” Burlingham explained to his children as his wife looked on in concern. “Sure, it’ll be a shorter show, but it’ll be more chaotic and unpredictable just as the founding fathers probably intended!”
“You don’t want to anger George Washington’s ghost, do you?”
The Burlingham children were ecstatic about the possibilities. Their mother, however, expressed skepticism. “Someone’s gonna get hurt!” said Sally Burlingham. “And now I can’t afford groceries for the next three weeks!”
“I promise, you’ll remember this forever,” said Burlingham. “It’ll be the best five minutes of your life!”
At publishing time, the show had lasted only 34 seconds and had landed Drake Burlingham in the ER for severe burns.
And here’s that show… 34 seconds might have been generous.
When you buy fireworks from Wish: pic.twitter.com/WR2oKwFrLg
— The Political Pom (@ThePoliticalPom) July 4, 2023
Here’s how they do it in Chicago:
A fireworks drive by is insane 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/Z77Mn7zDV4
— vidsthatgohard (@hardgothatvids) July 4, 2023
Happy Wednesday.
Tonight is Decatur’s GSL meeting. It’s bring your Rev War era firearms or reproduction models, or your .50 calibers.
More morons. The bit about not affording groceries the next three weeks is on point. My EXPERIENCE has been those who can least afford to burn their money on Independence Day burn the most. These people wonder why government assistance is required….
More of the usual suspects.
Stupidity goes bone deep, just like ugly. At least be smart enough not to store all unexploded fireworks away from the car you will have to use to go to emergency room, did the car get burned up too? Wow!
I think its about time to take all the warning labels off everything for a generation, let this all sort itself out. I really hope the insurance company got that video along with the claim….. theres far too many stupid people.