Gentlemen: Yes, Virginia is for lovers. But even if you live in Virginia, you should lock your doors even while at home to keep one or more naked women from walking in your back door. Why? Because said naked woman might not have gotten the memo that Virginia is for lovers.
Some poor guy living in Austinville, Virginia might not have believed his luck when he found an “unclothed” woman in his kitchen last week. Unfortunately for him, romance was not in the air. Instead, Paula Michelle Locklear apparently had homicide on her mind.
Cops say Paula Locklear (we’re guessing she’s no relation to Heather Locklear), 35, saw the man and picked up a cast iron frying pan and struck the homeowner in the head. While she screamed at him to get out of her house, he pushed her out of the residence, onto the back porch, and then locked the door.
She responded by threatening to kill him while she turned off the circuit breakers.
When she tried to force entry, still wielding the cast iron frying pan (and likely not to cook dinner), the man shot through the door, hitting her in the lower leg.
Moral of the story, gents: Lock your doors. That naked woman waltzing in your back door may not be of sound mind, and might want to brain you with a skillet or filet you with one of your kitchen knives.
Carroll County Sheriff’s Office reported it as such on Facebook:
On 02/26/2023, Sheriff’s Office Communications received a report of a shooting that occurred at 2655 Loafers Rest Road, in the Austinsville section of Carroll County.
Deputies arrived on the scene and found a female with a gunshot wound to the leg. EMS personnel arrived on scene and transported the female.
During the course of the investigation, deputies determined that the shooting was the result of a breaking and entering.
The homeowner, who heard a noise at the rear area of the home, went to the kitchen and observed an unclothed female, who was unknown to the homeowner, coming into the rear door at which time began hitting the homeowner with a cast iron fry pan in the head and hand before getting her out of the house and securing the door. The female at this time was on the back porch of the home, and began turning all the electrical breakers off to the home and started beating on the kitchen window while yelling at the homeowner to get out of her house or she was going to kill him. The female then began beating on the same door in which she had already made entry previously, at which time the homeowner discharged his firearm, striking the female in the lower leg area.
The female was identified as Paula Michelle Locklear, 35, of Austinsville. Locklear, who was later treated and released, was charged with Felony Breaking and Entering an occupied home while armed with a deadly weapon, Assault and Battery, and Damage Property. Locklear was held without bond pending arraignment in Carroll County General District Court.
No charges will be filed on the homeowner, after consulting with the Carroll County Commonwealth Attorney Roger Brooks, the shooting was justified as self-defense.
“was charged with Felony Breaking and Entering an occupied home while armed with a deadly weapon, Assault and Battery, and Damage Property.” Will my wife need a FOID card to own or now purchase a cast iron skillet?? She has more cast iron skillets than I have firearms.
In my 20s I woulda ravaged her. I mean she’s not exactly ugly. Compared to what I see at Walmart at least.
Today I’d rather not have the drama.
Note to self. . . Don’t buy cadt iron cookware