Mark Twain famously observed that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. In modern Illinois, add one more: violent crime that our genius politicians treat like an unfortunate weather pattern they can’t control.
Most of us will dodge the bad guys. None of us dodge the dirt nap. Frankly, it could happen tomorrow. So do your family the ultimate solid while you’re still breathing: don’t leave them staring at a mountain of guns wondering if that fancy rifle is worth $400 or $4,000—or whether answering the door for “potential buyers” is going to get them killed.
Don’t be the guy whose widow trades priceless heirlooms to police “turn-in” programs for a shiny $50 or $100 debit card at some virtue-signaling buyback. Events like this might as well be a stupid tax… you’re stupid, so you it costs you money. Ignorance might be bliss, but it isn’t power. It’s just expensive stupidity with extra steps and a side of regret. And in Illinois? It’s a timed game of bureaucratic Russian roulette thanks to the glorious FOID rules.
Illinois gives your executor or widow a generous 60 days to get a FOID card or legally dispose of every firearm and round of ammo. Miss it and—oops!—your grieving loved one is suddenly an accidental felon. Nothing says “compassionate government” like kicking a widow while she’s down, right?
I once heard from a seventy-something lady whose husband had built a collection so epic it made the SCHEELS gun counter look like a sad flea market booth. Easily a 1200+ firearms (most new in box), three plus tons of ammo (no exaggeration), and enough spare parts to open a small arms factory. Oh yeah, and a couple of buckets full of silver ingots and rounds, along with junk silver coins. It all was literally was their retirement fund before his passing.
She was terrified that once the obituary dropped, that some low-trust individuals would break in and steal the stuff. I was more worried a desperate family member would show up with scumbag friends, kill her and then loot the guns. People have been killed over a handful of guns. But 1200-1500 guns – literally two bedrooms full and more in the garage? She needed to get the stuff out of the house ASAP.
Smart lady. The honest, non-drug-addled wing of the family scrambled, got the guns and ammo out. Some went to auctions, some went to heirs, and some got sold to very trusted people. Crisis averted. But her husband? He left her sitting on a literal powder keg when a simple afternoon of paperwork and some proper planning ahead of his death could’ve made things a lot safer and less anxiety-ridden for his wonderful widow.
Don’t be that guy. Here’s how to avoid starring in your own family’s “What Was He Thinking?” documentary.
Make the Damn List (Santa checks his twice—What’s your excuse?)
Grab a spreadsheet, notebook, or one of those fancy gun inventory apps. Do it this weekend, not “someday.” Take pictures. Update it annually.
For every gun, note:
Make, model, caliber, serial number,
condition, upgrades, and matching accessories
Realistic resale value (stalk GunBroker “sold” listings like a suspicious spouse)
Who gets it (“To my son Mark, the one who actually shoots instead of just collecting dust”)
Any cool backstory (“This was the rifle that dropped that monster buck in ’98—unlike that one time you missed at 20 yards”)
So, for a basic entry:
Glock 19 Gen 3, 9mm, Ser. 046FJB. Trijicon night sights added in 2025. Five spare mags and a holster. Package value: $450–$550. Straight to my son Mark before he inherits my collection of dad jokes.
Fancy entry:
Ruger Precision Rifle. 6.5 Creedmoor caliber. Serial No. 12345A. Estimated value about $1000. With Vortex Razor 5-20×50 scope (attached and sighted in). Scope serial No. 6789X. Paid $1700 for scope. Estimated value at least $1000ish. Rifle with scope, scope mount ($100), Harris bipod ($100), Timney trigger upgrade ($200), three spare magazines and misc. accessories, as is, should bring at least $2000-2500 with the couple of hundred custom precision hand-loaded rounds of ammunition nearby in ammo cans. Don’t recommend parting it out like a junkyard Toyota as you’ll never sell the small stuff and you’ll end up with a lot less than its true value.
This list stops some smooth-talking know-it-all from telling your widow that your custom precision rig is “just an old hunting rifle, ma’am.”
It also keeps the family from turning probate into a reality TV bloodbath.
Security: ‘Obituary Burglars’ are real (and they read the paper)
Cops have a special name for these charmers: obituary burglars. They scan death notices like it’s the Sunday comics.
“NRA Joe finally kicked the bucket? Jackpot! Time to check out his ‘arsenal’ while the widow’s at the funeral crying into a casserole.”
And here’s the kicker: most burglaries are committed by a person aged 15-24 living within six to eight blocks of the victim’s household. Sketchy neighbor kids and un- or under-employed young adults? Who knew he had a whole lot of guns? Yeah, they’re already updating their shopping list. So too are less ethically-inclined relatives who have inside information about Joe’s gun collection.
If you’re a serious collector, assume word travels faster than a Pritzker tax increase. Move the bulk of the guns to a safe location before the obituary runs. Have armed, trusted friends (the kind who actually carry and shoot more than 30 rounds every five years) watching the house during services. Not the well-meaning neighbor with the casserole and zero situational awareness.
Never let random strangers come to the house to “just look at the guns.” That’s how you turn probate into a Dateline homicide episode. Your family already has enough drama without adding home invasion bingo.
Liquidation Options: Pick Your Poison
Top choice for big collections: Professional auction
In Central Illinois, Bauer Auctions in Mattoon handles massive estates like absolute pros—hundreds of guns, ammo, reloading gear, the works. Online and/or hybrid online/in-person sales, reasonable fees. For more than 10-20 guns, this is probably your best bet. Your family gets a check a few months later without turning gun selling into their new full-time job. Highly recommended unless you enjoy watching loved ones suffer.
For true high-end collectibles? Rock Island Auction. They market the good stuff to well-heeled collectors while your heirs sip coffee instead of stress-sweating.
Consignment at a reputable local shop.
Guns go somewhere secure, they handle the endless paperwork. Expect a 20% cut to the shop. Downside: It takes time, and ammo is often a hard pass thanks to liability lawyers. Still beats playing Craigslist roulette with your life.
Fast cash (with a side of financial self-harm): Sell the whole pile to a gun shop. If you really want your heirs to get financially molested, sell it to a pawn shop that sells guns. You’ll get roughly 30-40% of retail—basically trading your Audi for grocery money because “time is of the essence.” Perfect if you hate your heirs and want to light money on fire for convenience. Or spite.
Avoid private sales like the plague.
Tire-kickers, lowball artists, flakes, and the occasional charming gentleman who shows up with friends and very bad ideas. Not worth the headache, the risk, or the therapy bills.
Pre-estate actions… Tips and tricks as you age gracefully.
Put specific bequests in your will or trust. “My Ruger Precision goes to nephew Dave” beats family arguments and awkward holiday dinners.
Gift guns now. If your kids or heirs are quality people, you can skip the paperwork. Yes, that’s technically illegal. However, let Gov. Porkulus’ men try to coerce paperwork from your corpse. Shrinks the estate headache and lets you enjoy watching your kid actually shoot the thing without the State of Illinois knowing who has your guns. It’s none of their business.
If your health is failing and you’re looking at a nursing home in your future, absolutely gift the guns now. As for record-keeping, if you’re facing a nursing home, keeping good records will likely be the last thing on your mind.
The bottom line…
Your family’s already going to be picking out caskets, fighting probate, and dealing with the government. Don’t make them Google “how to sell guns without getting murdered” while they’re still crying into their coffee.
Do the list. Take the photos. Make the plan. Do it before that metaphorical (or literal) bus with your name on it shows up.
Because the only thing worse than dying is leaving the people you love to clean up an expensive mess while wondering why you couldn’t be bothered to spend one afternoon protecting them. Your legacy shouldn’t be “He had a lot of guns… and the planning skills of a goldfish.” Be the hero who actually planned ahead. Your widow—and her bank account—will thank you. Probably with fewer tears and more gratitude.
Patriotic Bonus Option: Donate to Guns Save Life
If you want your collection to keep fighting for freedom long after you’re gone, consider donating it to Guns Save Life. We’ll put those firearms to work in our popular monthly gun drawings—rewarding loyal members and supporters while raising critical funds to defend the Second Amendment across Illinois. Your guns will continue the fight instead of gathering dust or getting lowballed by strangers. GSL will handle secure pickup, proper transfers, and all the paperwork so your family doesn’t have to. What better legacy than turning your steel and wood into more freedom-loving patriots and stronger advocacy? A true win-win: you help secure liberty for the next generation, and we take the hassle off your loved ones’ hands. God, guns, and guts—right to the end.