Help! I shot my acorns off!

From the “How did we miss this one!?” category (thank you Tom W and Kent J!), we bring you the story of a thug in Portland, OR who robbed a man and then shot his victim in the leg before running off.

While running, he employed the “appendix inside the waistband carry” style of carrying – only Mexican style (sans holster) – at which time he had a holstering malfunction and blew some of his man-parts off.

And probably scorched whatever was left.  That’s good though.  Cauterizing slows the bleeding.

Oh yes, dear reader, it’s okay to chuckle.  We’re chuckling quietly here.

Joseph Johnson, 40, faces charges for felon in possession of a firearm and armed robbery to add insult to his new castrato status.  (Yes, technically, he would now be a eunuch.)

PORTLAND, Ore. (KATU)– The man who shot himself in the testicles during a robbery and shooting Tuesday night was booked into jail on assault and robbery charges Thursday, police said.

Joseph Johnson, 40, also faces one count of felon in possession of a firearm.

Portland police said Johnson and the victim, 32-year-old Jordan Merrell, lived in the same building and knew each other before the robbery.

According to Sgt. Pete Simpson, Johnson demanded property from Merrell during a confrontation in the parking lot behind their building and shot Merrell in the leg.

“As Johnson ran from the scene, he shoved the gun into the front of his waistband and shot himself in the testicles,” Simpson said in a news release.


5 thoughts on “Happy ending: Armed robber warming up to sing soprano”
  1. It never works that way in the movies. Maybe one of them nancy-boys will give up his jewels for a transplant that us taxpayers can fund.

    1. Please, lets not give these thugs any ideas, we sure don’t need dimwits like him trying to procreate any more than they already have.

  2. He’s lucky he just blew his jewels off. If he’d hit his femoral, he’d be the former armed robber.


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