[NSFW image below of dead perp. You’ve been warned.]
Oh look, another chapter in the timeless saga of “Young Thug Wanna-Be Meets Darwin.” In sunny Osceola County, Florida, our just-turned 16-year-old genius decided that it was a good idea to turn a botched routine Walmart shoplifting run into an armed robbery and associated stardom. Because why settle for swiping some cheap headphones or whatever when you can escalate straight to major felony-level stupidity?
Picture it in your mind, gentle readers: Little Mr. “I’m Hard” and his two illiterate buddies stuff merchandise down their pants like it’s a talent show. “Is that something valuable in your pants or are you suffering from a medical condition?”
Loss prevention spotted them early on by their sketchy body language, observes the trio of brain surgeons swiping of goods and stuffing said goods under their clothes. They then tip off the off-duty deputy working security (aren’t radios great?) at the front of the store.
Team Security roll up to greet the would-be thieves just beyond the cash registers—you know, the standard procedure for confronting shoplifters.
But no, our hero and his buddies couldn’t just take the L and accept the shoplifting arrest like a normal dumbass. Nah, the other two bolt and Mr. Birthday Boy yanks out a gun—because nothing says “I’m a big man now” like waving hardware around in a crowded store full of families buying diapers and frozen pizzas. Now brandishing, Mr. Birthday Boy bolts like he’s in Grand Theft Auto: Poinciana Edition.
This Deputy is no Barney Fife. He doesn’t hesitate: he lights him up and drops him.
“Took him out,” as Sheriff Blackmon so poetically put it. No drawn-out hostage situation, no innocent bystanders hit—just one less threat to society courtesy of a well-placed response.
The Birthday Boy’s buddies don’t stick around to render aid to their fallen comrade. They ran like the wind.
And when rowdy bystanders objected to the armed aspiring thug getting shot down, they started yelling and acting belligerent to the deputy. But it’s Florida and guess what? There are other good guys with guns and they took up positions to cover the deputy.
The problem? They were very sloppy about muzzle discipline. Instead of going to Position SUL, the hotshot closest to the camera was pointing the gun at anyone and everyone entering or exiting the store. (See image at top.)
He and I probably might have had words if I wanted to exit with my kids. Anything other than pointing that blaster in a safe direction would have resulted in me exiting the tire and lube exit or another emergency exit nearby.
Anyway, cops rounded up the other two thugs.
And the cherry on top? They notified his mom, not the absent father who’s been MIA since day one. Because of course. Mom gets the call that her boy’s little five-finger-discount adventure ended with him adopting “was/were” as his preferred pronouns instead of becoming the world’s next rap legend. Time to fire up a “Go Fund Me” for his elaborate funeral expenses.
So here’s to you, kid: You went from stealing some valuables to attempting to terrorize a Walmart full of people in about 2 seconds flat. They grow up so fast!
Congrats on growing up from a petty thief to “armed suspect neutralized” in record time. Play stupid games in a state that doesn’t play, win stupid prizes. The deputy saved lives that night, and all the Birthday Boy earned was a permanent dirt nap and a lifetime supply of “thoughts and prayers” from… nobody. He’ll be forgotten about in no time.
FAFO at its finest. Rest in piss, hotshot. The aisles are safer without you.
Here’s the juicy video (click the X post, then scroll up):
If I’m in a place where I carry my gun the hell if you’d catch me in flip flops ..
— kilorobot (@kilorobot) February 20, 2026
OSCEOLA COUNTY, Fla. – An Osceola County sheriff’s deputy shot and killed a 16-year-old shoplifting suspect inside a Walmart on Thursday after the teen pulled a gun and was running through the store, officials said.
The fatal shooting took place around 8 p.m. at 904 Cypress Parkway in Poinciana.
In a news briefing around 11 p.m., Osceola County Sheriff Christopher Blackmon said the deputy was working off-duty at the store for security.
“A loss-prevention officer notified our deputy at the front of the store that there were three men inside the store that had concealed merchandise,” Blackmon said. “The loss-prevention officer and our deputy attempted to meet those men at the front of the store.”
However, when they approached the trio, one of them took off running with a gun in his hand, Blackmon explained.
“And with that said, our deputy fired downrange at the suspect and took him out,” Blackmon continued. “(The suspect) had a gun in his hand, running through the store.”
The Osceola County Sheriff’s Office said the suspect who was shot and killed was a 16-year-old Poinciana boy…
OCSO Public Information Officer Kim Montes told News 6 that an off-duty firefighter and another off-duty law enforcement officer happened to be at the scene and provided the responding deputy with cover.