Oh, bless her heart—the urban progressive lesbian who keeps her gun double-locked in a coffee table like it’s a forbidden family heirloom, complete with no ammo in the house, hidden keys, and an utter inability to use it for anything but a paper weight. Christina Cauterucci, the gender and sexuality columnist from Slate Magazine, claims she forgot she even owned it until a toddler’s spilled seltzer outing turned her living room into an impromptu gun reveal party. Classic.
Picture the scene: mimosa-drunk brunch parents prying open the table to mop up liquid, only to stare in polite horror at her “protection” gathering dust next to the West Elm catalog. She stammers out the safety spiel—locked case, trigger lock, no bullets, keys in a secret spot only she knows (probably taped under a drawer like every paranoid first-timer)—and everyone nods awkwardly before going back to watching the kids destroy the sofa. Because nothing says “I’m prepared for the coming fascist apocalypse” like a firearm that’s about as ready for action as a museum piece.
This isn’t self-defense; it’s performance art. Buying a gun because the vibes feel “off” under Trump 2.0, then treating it like a magic talisman that wards off bad juju just by existing in the house—while ignoring the actual daily risks of city life, like carjackings, muggings, or gang violence and related crossfire a few blocks over. But sure, let’s clutch pearls over hypothetical federal death squads raiding queer brunch parties, while the real stats show real-world urban violent crime (gangs and criminal illegals) hitting closer to home for most folks.
And the pièce de résistance? Citing the tragic shooting of Renée Nicole Good—a 37-year-old poet, mother of three, and U.S. citizen killed by an ICE agent in Minneapolis on January 7, 2026—as Exhibit A for why every lesbian needs a bedside Glock.
Never mind that the incident happened during an immigration enforcement encounter, not some targeted queer purge. It’s awful, it’s polarizing, it sparked massive protests—but using it to justify stockpiling unloaded, forgotten handguns in coffee tables? That’s peak misplaced hysteria. But if it makes her feel better… and feelings and emotions drive a lot of gun-hating folks.
She’s not prepared to use that gun any more than she’s “prepared” to change a flat tire on her car. She’s virtue-signaling preparedness to her group chat (in this case, in Slate) while the gun sits useless, gathering seltzer stains. It’s like buying a fire extinguisher, locking it in a safe, hiding the key, and never checking if it works—then bragging about how safe your home is from imaginary arsonists.
No doubt she mocked gun owners as paranoid rednecks in her past. Now she’s one of them, just with better interior design and worse risk assessment. Fear is a hell of a drug, but turning it into a decorative accessory instead of actual competence? That’s next-level delusion. If the revolution comes knocking, she’ll be fumbling for keys while the bad guys (real or imagined) help themselves her and her wife. Stay scared, stay symbolic—it’s the progressive way.
Here’s the first couple of paragraphs from her piece in Slate:
In January 2024, my wife and I agreed to host a birthday party for our friends’ 2-year-old in our child-free home. The scene was chaotic and joyful, with several young kids running around and scattering croissant crumbs on our sofa while their parents attempted adult conversation over mimosas.
Inevitably, the moment arrived when a child knocked over a drink on our coffee table. It was an old West Elm design with a panel on top and a storage area underneath. The spilled beverage was dripping into the seams, so a crowd of parents rushed to open the table and mop up the liquid pooling within. The first thing they saw when they lifted the panel was a padlocked gun case, helpfully identified by the Smith & Wesson user pamphlet sitting on top, which was now soaked in seltzer.
To be perfectly honest, I’d forgotten I had the gun. Ever since my wife and I moved into a place with more closet space, we rarely used the storage capacity of the coffee table. I was reminded of the firearm in my living room only when someone brought up the topic of recreational gun use—which, in our queer, left-leaning urban social circles, was next to never.But there I was, facing a crowd of these wide-eyed friends, who were politely dabbing the seltzer off my gun. They were clearly shocked. I choked out some nervous laughter and assured them that the case was locked, the gun inside had another padlock, both keys were hidden, and I had no ammunition in the house.
CBP murdered Renée Nicole Good.
Convince me otherwise.
You are the only one here that cares what you think.
kenny-boy,
go back to your “circle jerk” where you are the BIGGEST JERK with the tiniest peepee; an agent trying to secure Minnesota and the USA from the ILLEGAL INVADER CRIMINALS was attending to an ILLEGAL useful idiot blocking his duties when she ATTACKED him with her 1 ton automobile trying to run him down/kill him and he used his only means of self-defense to eliminate the threat with 2 or 3 rounds from his self-defense carry firearm. just sayin’.
You are 100% correct, James A.!
Gsl1589: you, sir, are an idiot! You have absolutely zero evidence credible or otherwise that Ms good struck that pig with her car! Zero evidence!
You’re a lying pos. We have seen no evidence that she struck him. The only so-called evidence that exists is the sound of his hands slapping on either the fender or the hood in order that he could justify murdering her.
I’m still waiting for the results of the investigation into the shooting and what I am anticipating is that we will see his first shot went through the windshield and into either the passenger side seat or the center console. The kill shots went in her open driver side window long after he was out of Harm’s Way! If, that is, he were ever In Harm’s way!
The only evidence that exists shows us that she was steering away from him and he saw every moment of that!
He is just one of your murderous pigs who gets away with it because he has qualified immunity and the benefit of the doubt! We know! We know that he murdered her and we know that he will pay the ultimate price for that!
Gsl, it’s sad that you’re just a doddering old fool who eats up the party line that spoon fed you by Faux News! Again there is zero evidence. If you show me any evidence of her actually staring at him or him ever being In Harm’s Way I will eat my hat!
And lastly to any who may not know me, in case I sound like one of your average lunatic left-wing nut jobs, I am a conservative white Christian male in the vein of Ronald reagan. My family founded this nation and Bill Buckley was one of my ringing Idols in my developmental years! We must be and do better!
Renée Nicole Good didn’t get murdered she got herself killed because she’s stupid. These liberal asshole protestors are like spoiled children being told NO for the first time. I guess they had no consequences for acting stupid while growing up so now they think the same applies in adult life. Why in the hell is she blocking the street and getting mixed up in all this ? Even a child knows when you are surrounded by armed agents holding guns and yelling to get out of the car the last thing you do is drive anywhere even a little bit in their direction. the dumbass thinks she will do as she pleases with zero concern for anyone. And anyone is not only herself but the agents and her children who now have no mother. Just like that dick head male nurse who got shot these leftist wackos are so full of themselves and their ME complex putting what they want first and above all else that they don’t comprehend that when you mix a violent riot with stupid childish liberals and cops / agents that are human shit happens. Plus the idiot wife telling her to drive helped her end up a widow. as the kids say FAFO and play stupid games win stupid prizes. Ms Good got what she wanted and deserved. she f***** with the agents and they f***** back.
Bill, I agree 100% with you on these points.
However, all of that admitted, NONE OF IT justifies killing her.
If none of you noticed, there was ONE VIDEO OUT THERE, which seems to have disappeared. John Correia from ASP included one lil bit from it. Just a smidge! I wanna know where the rest of it is. It was from, perhaps, the BEST POV imaginable to prove the ICE PIG’s innocence or guilt.
Yeah, the best POV was from the HOUSE across the street, taken by a videographer from what appears to be the second story of said house, looking directly DOWN on the matters as they developed. In other words, it shows literally fawking EVERYTHING.
WHy haven’t you seen it? Why did John Correia CUT OUT THE VERY MOST IMPORTANT part of that video, that would have actually shown the direction that Ms. Good’s car was going and EXACTLY where ICE PIG was standing when he murdered her?
WHY HAVE WE NOT SEEN THAT VIDEO?
Do you believe Pam BLondy? “The Epstein files are OUT.” Ooopsie, missed about THREE MILLION PAGES, there, ol Blondi! You lying TWAT!
Do you believe BONGINO? THE POS who took the job, then walks away from the job without doing a damned thing?
Do you believe BOVINO? He got canned before you ever even knew who he was! Do you believe KASH PATTEL????????? THE cross-eyed, dyslexic, dyspeptic INDIAN DEI appointee??????? That guy doesn’t know which end is UP!!!
NO. YOU DON’T. You don’t believe your government any more than I do!
SO stop knee-jerking in favor of the pigs.
I say that rotten cawksucker murdered her. NOW PROVE ME WRONG. SHOW ME THE VIDEO. Don’t do as doddering ol’ dribbler GSL1589 did and tell me that she hit him with the Honda. SHOW ME. SHOW ME THE VIDEO! SHow me a video that isn’t BLOCKED by another ICE PIG. SHOW ME THE POV I MENTION. If your entirely-trustworthy gubernment hasn’t already “captured and killed” it. By hook or by crook.
Why do I bother? Your puerile brains are closed. But for history’s sake, I want to stand here screaming from the mountaintop: THEY MURDERED GOOD. THEY MURDERED PRETTI. And I, for one, have had enough.
kenny-boy,
WHERE in my original statement: “… was attending to an ILLEGAL useful idiot blocking his duties when she ATTACKED him with her 1 ton automobile trying to run him down/kill him …” do I write that R. (no)Good, hit the agent? HMMMM? “… struck that pig with her car!”??/ YOUR “‘READING COMPREHENSION” is as bad as your mental capacity, zilch, zero, nada, you ignorant slut, ALSO, with a camera phone in one hand and a pistola in the other, how was it that “The only so-called evidence that exists is the sound of his hands slapping on either the fender or the hood …” you ignorant slut. HOWEVER, the fact he had “internal bleeding” does confirm that he was struck hard enough to cause injury!!!!
Why are you so “proud” of your “Bennedict Arnold” ancestry? just another traitor scum.
All pejorative; no evidence.
Do you know what internal bleeding is? He bit his lip. Wah w a h wah! Do you know what internal bleeding is? A hematoma! That’s a bruise. A bruise is literally internal bleeding. You old fart! I cannot believe you are Daft enough to believe what your government tells you! Everyone’s lying to you all day long in every branch of government and they have since you were a child and they told you that you evolved from piltdown man! But you still believe! hope springs eternal!
If you believe that he was injured by being hit by her car than you are dumber than you look. And Epstein hanged himself and Bill Clinton didn’t have sex with that woman Monica lewinsky! And Hillary didn’t wipe any of her emails ….oh wait there was something in the news today about Hillary wiping her emails from her Home Server maintained in her closet!
Yeah, it didn’t happen! He wasn’t hit by the car. He wasn’t injured. He didn’t have internal bleeding. That’s a cover-up for the murder. Anybody who doesn’t understand that is a drooling moron! And while he was recording, they only released a snippet of the time he was recording. They have not released the entire cell phone footage showing him dropping the phone out of the horror of being hit by a little Honda going two and a half miles an hour! They don’t show the cell phone spiraling to the ground and recording nothing but snow and asphalt! Why don’t they show this? Because he had tucked it away in his pocket already! And why did he have his gun out? There was no life or death situation there there was no imminent danger of death or great bodily harm! All he had to do was take one clear step to his right and not slap the car on top of the hood.
And now instead of your pejorative, why don’t you show me the evidence??
And if you can break out of your circle jerk long enough maybe one of you drooling, dribbling clowns can look up the word “pejorative!”
kenny-boy,
you demand “proof” from me, yet you have no concrete evidence other than your Marxist opinion, and you perceive that your democRATiKKK “talking points” are gilded with gold, I presume you still believe the “borders were closed” under Joke Bribe-im and Alehandra Mayorkis, “masks and six-foot separation” overcame the covid virus and Kommie la Horribleness was a great “border czar(ina)”.
Go play with your male appendage toys in your circle jerk where you are the biggest jerk with the tiniest peepee, you pathetic looser narcissist.
You ol’ droolin’ coot!!
You’re so glad to call somebody a Democrat and ascribe Democrat philosophies to him, who is clearly and has clearly identified himself as a Reagan conservative since day one but you don’t know the first thing about the civil and criminal justice systems in the United States republic? You see, in the republic that is governed by the rule of law the proponent of an affirmative position bears the burden of proof on it, not the other party. You see, you’re saying the car struck the Ice Pig. You bear the burden of proof on that. Not I! I am the proponent of the opposite viewpoint, the negative position. It is impossible to prove a negative so the burden is on you to establish that Renee Good’s car struck Ice Pig and caused “internal bleeding!”
Let’s just pretend I’m from Missouri and I want you to show me!
And by the way leave my Teensy little pecker out of this; it was just fine for your ma!
kenny-boy,
you ignorant slut, look through this Megyn Kelly podcast/blog or whatever it is, she has excellent commentary and video footage from ICE agent’s phone where R. Good looks directly at the agent’s camera as she is turning her steering wheel directly at the agent (it also shows the direction the wheels are turned (to the left) before he walks around her car filming as he circled the car), he gets to the front looking directly at her as the other agent yells at her to get out of the car and she looks directly at the agent/camera as the sound of her motor racing as he gets hit. here is the link, ASSHOLE:
https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=ICE%20agent%20who%20shot%20Rene%20Good%20videos&mid=0C6E0D021076B42FFC020C6E0D021076B42FFC02&ajaxhist=0
No matter what evidence is available, you will just deny it and continue with your nasty diatribe and ignorance, KISS MY WELL ENDOWD PASTY WHITE POSTERIOR, ASSHOLE Watch it and weep, laugh, masturbate or whatever despicable activity you generally do.
kenny-boy,
s’matter?, this forum is not a “court of law”, your “opinion” has NO facts and is not considered “under oath” punishable by perjury, my opinion is established by reviewing many videos taken at and before the time R. (no)Good hammered down on the throttle of her car, slamming into one of the ICE agents trying to arrest her for interference in their mission to contain CRIMINAL ILLEGAL INVADERS to evict/deport them from America.
Your opinion is as vile and despicable as the odor permeating from your posts, go play with your “circle-jerking” toys and “be happy”, asshole.
So, the ol’ coot just linked to a Megyn Kelly story that includes the most common video in the Renee good murder. It shows nothing new and it certainly shows nothing that backs up gsl1589 story. You can perceive anything you want from this. You can imagine anything you want from this. You can and obviously have projected a great deal from what is visible. But what is not seen in this video is Renee good striking any law enforcement officer..!.! Yeah the video does not show what you claim it shows. I know you’re dumb because I listen to your Rants and unhinged Raves for years. But that video can stand for what I believe happened just as easily as it can stand for your projection as to what happened. I submit that that video was plotted and planned by the officer who recorded it. I believe he slapped either the hood or the front left Fender of the car as Renee was steering off to the right. He did this so as to make it appear justifiable for him to shoot her. He’s a murderous Thug as most cops are! The video does not show what I submit happened. But more importantly the video does not show what you submit happened either! If you are unwilling to admit that then you are not just unintelligent you are intellectually dishonest!!
But, alas, anticipating the drooling morons common retort I already addressed this. I said there is one video out there that will show the entire actual incident and that video is being suppressed. Again that video is taken from across the street from what appears to be a second story window in a house or apartment. It is taken looking down on the entire scene and it shows the entire encounter. John correia at ASP showed a little bit of it and cut it out just at the moment that would show us exactly what everyone in the world wants to see.
What you can see from the video Linked In the Megyn Kelly story is that she was turning her Wheels hard to the right. Her Wheels had been cocked to the left when she was backing up! Her significant other was getting in the passenger side. What even the ice pig’s self-recorded video clearly shows is that she was steering away from him!
You can call me names and attack me personally all you want but until you address these facts you are just a lying pos!
And Ice Pig murdered her!
kenny-boy, you igno-rant slut,
your hatred has you biased as usual, it is plain to see from the agent’s camera as he walks around Rene (no)Good’s car, the front tires are cocked to the left as viewed from both the right side and the left as the agent walks around the front of the car the first time; as he walks around the car, shows the rear tires on packed snow, on around again, the front tires still turned to driver’s left and he gets around to the front, the other agent demands R. Good get out of the car as a siren is going off, agent gets to the front left just as R. Good looks directly into his camera as she reverses, straightens the wheel directly towards him, puts car in forward and slams the throttle and tires spin on the snow packed street as motor revvs and she turns the wheels straight, as can be seen from another video from behind the car looking at the agents (both) as she hits first agent (with camera). The other view, from a camera on the sidewalk behind the car shows view of both agents,, can be viewed when going on link (different video) on same page. (second video link:
https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=ICE%20agent%20who%20shot%20Rene%20Good%20videos&mid=0BA68C675C685186BB780BA68C675C685186BB78&ajaxhist=0
From this view agent with camera is behind second agent, as car hits first agent and takes off on down the street. watch it and cry, kenny-boy and kiss my hairy white well endowed rear end, ASSHOLE!, follow it on through and see the nasty confusion instigators wreak as well as background on agent Ross.
I just came across this and thought of you Circle jerkers! This is one of your model female cops:
https://youtube.com/shorts/w3olZueyynA?si=kg_MhK8GSJP8PiOg
Just think, another 5 to 10 years of waddling around like a hippo on land, she can become a chief! Cuz… you know… vagina.
kenny-boy,
yer mammy shore is fuggly (felony-ugly), no wonder you hate women cops, did she whack yer peepee in your and her circle-jerks? No wonder your peepee is a shriveled up tiny “turtle” you pathetic pile of manure.
About the article…. It’s so pathetic that a group of adults are such thumb sucking pants wetters that ” they were clearly shocked ” by the sight of a case and a Smith and Wesson pamphlet.
FYI: 2-14-1911:
It reads like an ordinary patent. A citizen of the United States, living in Weber County, Utah, has invented “certain new and useful improvements in firearms.” No fanfare. No grand claims. Just a statement of fact. Yet those lines would lead to a sidearm that rode in the holsters of American troops from the muddy trenches of World War I to the jungles of Vietnam, and into the hands of special operations units long after it was officially replaced.
On February 14, 1911, U.S. Patent No. 984,519 was issued to a quiet Ogden man: John Moses Browning. The document itself is dry and formal. But the words in its opening lines carry weight. That preamble marks the birth of the pistol that would become the Colt M1911.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY AMERICA, MAY GOD BLESS US AGAIN!!!