Meet Kevin. He’s got an anger management problem to go along with his “bully” personality. We’ll let other people debate whether Kevin didn’t get enough breast milk from his mommy or if his daddy didn’t give him enough attention (or the wrong sort of attention) as the source of his insecurities and mental disorders.
But let’s say this parking lot psycho—let’s call him “Kevin the Kicker” – is serious pissed at you, gentle reader.
Yes, he’s in a rage, clearly thinking with his lizard brain. He’s decided to make your door panel is his personal soccer ball because you snagged the spot he was “saving” with his psychic powers.
You’re a good guy with a carry license.
But you know punching Kevin’s ticket isn’t going to be a winning move because it’ll be hell in the aftermath. Yes, in Texas, you could say “he had it comin'” and after a jury watched the video, you would probably get the key to the city. But we don’t live in Texas.
What do you do?
You’re parked at the mall and Kevin approaches, yelling, cursing, begins kicking your door. You’re scared because he seems unhinged and dangerous. You film him and call the police. Kevin’s behavior begins to draw a crowd. What’s his problem? Is he this upset over a parking space? https://t.co/pRM65sMaZk pic.twitter.com/UfpBB9oMOC
— Blonde of War (JJ) (@jnicolem) February 10, 2026
Let’s break down some options in a way that’s more entertaining than what Joe Biden would recommend.
Option 1: The Fortress Turtle (Defensive Masterclass)
Lock those doors tighter than a miser’s wallet, crank up the AC (or heat, depending on the Illinois weather roulette), and turn your car into an impregnable bunker. Illinois doesn’t have castle doctrine but we do have “Stand Your Ground” thanks to a 1903 IL Supreme Court decision.
If Kevin escalates from door-denting diva to window-smashing savage, you’re legally golden to defend your turf without a duty to retreat.
As soon as you confirm the doors are locked, you should whip out your phone and dial those magical three digits: 911.
If you can multi-task or if you have a passenger with a phone, have them film the freakout for that sweet evidence reel (bonus points if you narrate it like a wildlife documentary: “And here we see the wild Kevin in his natural habitat, raging over prime parking real estate” – just kidding. You can think it, just don’t say it.) while you’re on the phone to 911.
Why call 911 immediately? Because cops love arriving to a well-documented drama, and he who calls first is presumed to be the victim.
Option 2: The Great Escape (Houdini on Wheels)
If Kevin’s still playing human pinball with your panels but hasn’t breached the perimeter, channel your inner getaway driver. Illinois self-defense laws don’t require you to sit there like a parked duck if escape is feasible— there’s no duty to retreat in public if the threat’s real. Fire up the engine, ease out of the spot (carefully, no vehicular manslaughter vibes), and peel away to safety.
Think of it as the parking lot version of a mic drop: “Adios, Kevin—you can have the spot now, along with the therapy bill.”
Pro tip: If he’s blocking you, honk like it’s the apocalypse to draw a crowd (witnesses are your best friends in court). Let the car move slowly.
Option 3: The Verbal Judo Jedi (De-Escalation with a Twist)?
Roll down the window a crack to try to de-escalate… might work. But if Kevin’s thinking with his lizard brain, he’s not thinking rationally or logically. You might as well as negotiate with a pig. Plus you’ll weaken the window’s integrity in a big way. But if you WANT him to break the window to escalate, that might be part of the plan.
Option 4: “NO” spoken by Mr. Smith & Wesson.
If Kevin goes full berserker—shattering your window and reaching in to launch a physical assault, he’s pretty much a viable target. Try to drive away, running his ass over if he’s in the way. And if that fails, smoke him, especially if he starts coming through the window to join you in the passenger compartment.
Ditto if he presents a firearm.
Shoot him rapidly and promiscuously until he ceases his “big feelings” turned “big violence.”
Punch his ticket.
Bottom line, folks: In Illinois, concealed carry’s your ace in the hole, but the real MVP is avoidance and de-escalation. Kevin’s the one turning a parking spat into a spectacle; you’re the smart one staying cool, legal, and alive.
I think there are special Head Hunters out there Who recruit for 9-1-1 dispatch centers… they regularly scour The list of High school dropouts and those who finished last in their classes, contact them and say “Hey you look ideal for this position we have in government!!!”
I think 9-1-1 dispatchers are typically the dumbest human beings who have ever lived. These girls were obviously scared for their lives And he sat there arguing with them about what color the guys f****** jeans were!! “are you sure???”
Cops: when you get a 911 call for an emergency that could develop into a life and death situation get the f****** cars rolling! Then cover all the finer details that are absolutely unnecessary in any normal environment.
I’m not sure how much Dumber he could get; it’s possible! But there’s the language issue too it’s clear that English is not his first language and that’s a problem as well.
*** oh and, speaking from experience, if you’re going to carry a weapon concealed or openly, get the insurance! If you do not it can get very very expensive very quick! Word!
Looks like Ken is showing his ass AGAIN. Usually it’s amusing watching the senile old fool go off on whatever rant his meds send him on ( cops are pigs and ACAB as the Marxists say ) but this one hits home because my daughter ( who has more formal education, military experience, first responder training, emergency medical / paramedic training, etc than Ken does ) is a 911 operator full time and a paramedic part time. I showed her your idiotic comment and she thought it was amusing. stupid and childish but amusing. Anyway let’s try to teach you a few things……
1 ) The “dumb” 911 operators first question is… WHERE IS YOUR EMERGENCY because he knows it’s a cell phone not a landline which traces instantly.
2) The girl names the location and as she speaks he types / relays to the cops radio. they have the F****** cars rolling before she finishes her sentence !!!!!
3 ) Where was the dispatcher “arguing” over the color of the guys f****** jeans ? You’re imagining things again.
4) Picture it …. a large parking lot with lots and lots of cars and many people walking around. Maybe it would be a good idea for the cops to have some idea who they’re looking for , maybe what kind of car is involved, etc.
5) Unknown to you is that 911 dispatchers work to keep people calm, focused, and hopefully in control of their emotions WHILE being the eyes and ears for the cops / medics.
Have you ever been on a 911 call with a 7 year old that just found her 16 yr old brother hanging ( suicide ) in the garage ? how bout a guy that had an accident with a saw and is bleeding to death ? Maybe a parent with a choking infant ? NO ? you haven’t ? My daughter has and she had to keep them cool and doing as instructed until help arrived. Maybe you can give her some pointers since you’re so smart. If not how about grabbing both ass cheeks and pushing them together so nobody can hear you. Have great night.
C’mon!! I can’t be this asshat’s only thumb down!
1. You know nothing about me. In fact I do have training. And secondly I do happen to know that women in your daughter’s industry are pretty much useless! Yeah no one will tell her to her face in fact they’ll give her awards and rewards and advance her in her career just like they did the lesbeian b****** who were in charge of the LA fire department when La burned to the ground cuz they were stupid lesbeian b******! And the mayor of l.a., Karen bass, is also a stupid black lesbian b****! Oh and I saw a new statistic today that said even though female Pilots comprise only something like 13% of the entire pilot population they’re involved in 50% of all Airline crashes! Oh! certainly that has nothing to do with DEI! Now that’s statistical and empirical. On the anecdotal side, I have worked with that type in a similar position for 16 years and I can tell you I never saw one that was worth a squirt! I had a mother and I have sisters and I love women but they simply should not be in certain positions! And as both Ann Barnhardt and Ann Coulter concur with me, women should never have been given the vote! But according to your logic because your daughter is one of these types you think that she (Bass) got there because of her merits! Hint: she did not! It’s because of the color of her skin and what she has or has not dangling between her legs! Same with the fire chief! Same with female Governors and female generals and female attorneys general! Women should not be in these positions. But that’s okay don’t take my opinion on it just wait till the collapse.
2. You don’t know doodly squat about every Department’s policies! You don’t know whether it’s each individual Department’s policy to dispatch a squad until they have all the information they’re seeking. Many of them don’t. You have no way of knowing this. You have no way of knowing whether they comply with their policy. We see videos every day of cops who don’t comply with their own policies in, for instance, two examples: first, in identifying themselves to the public and, second, complying with the fourth amendment! There’s a short video released just today by the civil rights lawyer about a guy in Florida who was arrested while wearing body armor and carrying a firearm. Both of which are perfectly lawful acts. They arrested him and held him at the station for three and a half hours and they still hold his body armor and his gun as evidence. Evidence of no crime?
3. Dang it! Now, just for the benefit of bill and his bewbie daughter, I have to start including links here of idiot, moron 911 dispatchers who foul up everything!!
4.. Epstein did not kill himself; in fact he’s alive and well in some Joo stronghold somewhere! Building 7 was taken down by the man! Democrats are true kindly American spirited individuals who are just out for your well-being! One day a bunch of school children were cold-heartedly murdered in Sandy Hoax, Ct, piltdown man was real, Charlie Kirk was shot by some crazed tranny acting all by his lonesome, and I won’t co*e in your mouth!!!
5
http://FTP…..ACAB…...
Bill,
kenny-boy is being his “normal, Shiff-for-brain narcissist” demeanor idiot! For some time, I thought he had finally “grown up” and gotten over his narcissism but didn’t really believe he could/had; his true character shining through like a big cow turd in a snowbank.
My heartfelt thanks and respect to your daughter and her co-workers for their service to the public they serve and may God Bless them for the trauma they attempt to calm for those seeking help in the emergency suddenly transforming their lives!
GSL 1598, Thank you very much for your kind words. I passed them along and she ( and me ) really appreciate it. Also I remember the many times you would put up a great comment and Ken would obviously get jealous because he doesn’t have the intellect to discuss or debate so he would just go with saying something stupid or trying to argue or insult. He was cool for a while but I think he stopped taking his meds so here we go. Again THANK YOU !!!!
Wahhhhh. Did’ums cwy????
Did mean old Ken hurt um’s feewings??
Circle jerkers gotta jerk. Just clean up the mess on the floor before you leave boys!!
Here’s your daughter:
https://x.com/EndWokeness/status/2021372044999307481?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E2021372044999307481%7Ctwgr%5E41415220d89b447ad58807e63e910b869e9c992b%7Ctwcon%5Es1_c10&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Ftownhall.com%2Ftipsheet%2Fdmitri-bolt%2F2026%2F02%2F12%2Fnorth-carolina-sheriff-cant-answer-basic-questions-of-government-n2671115
KEN, YIKES !!!!! Look at that all over the place rant and at 3 am no less !!!! I guess we now know when the meds wear off. WATCH OUT FOR THIS GUY !!!!! I must admit I figured you were kind of a squirrel but I had no idea you had so much hatred / fear of women. You’re one hang up after another and then some !!! especially against the lesbians. I noticed you have a problem with successful women like you said… Governors, Pilots, Generals, Attorney Generals, etc. You must be seething every time a woman runs circles around you in anything and everything. That person you worked with for 16 years made you jealous didn’t she ? did she do the same job only better ? if she could do it were you doing a woman job ? Seriously I bet a teenager mopping up piss in the Burger King restroom and living in his mom’s basement has more going on than you do. You mention a mom and sisters and say you love women but………no wife, girlfriend, friend with benefits. Let’s look at why because only 2 types of guy have this hatred / fear of women.
1) There was someone once probably young and beautiful and smart all was well until the day she realized she was on a road to nowhere. she knew life is precious and she wasn’t going to waste another day waking up with Kenny the failure. before or after the financial ruin of your idiotic shoot em up adventure I don’t know but she wanted more than living in squalor. she moved on and found the man Ken would never be and is now happy and you’re raging pissed at all women. IT’S THEIR FAULT !!!!!
or is it….
2) ( I think this is the one ) You used to like women but that turned to hate as one after another they wouldn’t give you the time of day. You probably tried but they know a creep when they see one. I bet you’ve been told ” You make my skin crawl” more than once. Plus they build lives and careers as Ken sits and pouts like a child because they won’t be the subservient little thing you want. women can sense your insecurity and lack of testosterone and after that big legal bill they see you live like a rat. a broke rat. they don’t want to lose everything because the dangerous lump of insecurity they have has ruined everything. Women like strong, confident men not Ken having a hissy every time they win and he fails. May you find the therapy and meds you need and Have a great evening !!!!
Bill,
kenny-boy is the BIGGEST JERK in his “circle” of “friends” who are his collection of “male appendage” toys and stacks of Playgirl magazines open to the “center spread”!
You are sooo correct about his meds, they must have expired many moons ago and his doctor-mommy denied refills or his “street pharmacist” was busted and deported or eliminated by the “competition”, poor, pore, pour lonely, pathetic pile (of manure) that he (kenny-boy) is.
Maybe his “doctor-mommy” turned lesbian, too, who cares?
Bill, project much?
I was going to post this at 3:00 in the morning but I figured I’d just do it now!
I hardly consider any of those women to be successful only in the fact that they’ve been gifted and office. They are failures in every meaningful sense of the word when all they can do is crash either literally or figuratively, crash their office or crash their airplane or crash their Naval vessel onto a reef because they didn’t earn the spot but rather they were awarded the spot because they have a vagina. Now don’t get me wrong! I like vaginas perfectly well but I just don’t think that we should reward them because they have one!
Ken, Yeah every one of them is one big disaster and fail one after another. Tons of ships run aground, planes crashing , states collapsing left and right because they have a vagina. All the schooling, degrees, training, experience doesn’t matter right ? I bet they wish they had all the big accomplishment like you do. It’s obvious you’re making a sad attempt to hide your massive hatred and fear of women with this nonsense. Face it, when it comes to women you can’t out do them and you can’t get one. spouting idiocy isn’t working so just let it go.
What? Are you pretending what I am saying is not true? Son! Did you not see the “DEI TEAM” of all full-figured gals from the design department at BOEING? That designed the door that falls off mid-flight? Or Kara Hultgren (LT., dead-as-dirt), who crashed a perfectly good F-16 into the Pacific? By ALL ACCOUNTS (and by “all accounts” I literally mean every single person they asked) she failed EVERY SINGLE TEST of flying that they administer. SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE been passed, at stage 1. She was passed, because the Clinton administration wanted a vagina in the pilot’s seat. Now she has the distinction of being the first DEAD female aviator in U.S. history. Ignominious, I should say! OH, and worse, she murdered her first officer, a man. GOD SAVE HIS SOUL. And may hers’ burn. She knew moreso than ANYONE that she was unqualified, but she wanted desperately to be the vagina in that seat! Or “Commander” Yvonne Gray, the New Zealand naval officer who ran her state-of-the-art destroyer aground on a reef. Cause, ya know, the $billions in radar, mapping and previous EXPERIENCE by naval vessels in that same spot couldn’t prevent a WAHMAN from crashing it!! Of course, the minister of defense for N.Z. promptly called all chatter of this nature misogynistic and sexist, leaping to her defense. The rub? The minister was A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahhahahahah. As Kevin Samuels used to say: “YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP!”
The L.A. fires? C’mon!! IT literally JUST HAPPENED!! If that’s not fresh enough in your minds, let me refresh you: FEMALE MAYOR. FEMALE FIRE CHIEF. Oh, and lesbean to boot! So was she appointed because she HAS a vagina or because she LIKES vaginas? FEMALE BATALLION CHIEFS. Females in the water department. “COUNCILWOMEN” leaping to their defense! Sorry, gals, you dropped the water balloon on this one! I’m sorry, I spent a lot of time in the fire service and NEVER has there been a wahman who should be LEADING. NOT ONE.
In every such instance, an UNQUALIFIED WOMAN was advance over a more-qualified MAN to a position she should never have been in, in the first place.
Now tell me how this is my own misogyny? And how I’ve been hurt by women? Or how, literally, this has ANYTHING to do with me? I do love women – women who know their place. And POST-SHTF, when things return to sense of normalcy, and when we men are free to be unbridled men again, and women know their place, it will be a good thing. The only unfortunate thing is that tens if not hundreds of MILLIONS will have to die to get us to that point again.
The truth hurts, don’t it? Sometimes it kills. When it kills, it was usually a woman driving.
*oh, and, fawk all you GSL gals here, too. UNTIL YOU CONDEMN John Boch for calling Governor Prickster’s daughter a whore, because we detest HIS poiitics, you can just keep your pretty mouths SHUT.
First, we have that tell-tale “clue” – the nasal N.Y. accent.
Next, he looks, sounds, and acts maybe like a “Slocum” from Schenectady – or maybe a “Ricky” from Rikers.
Next, or worstly, this appears there could be a liberal invasion taking place in Texas.
Lastly, I know Kevins, and he is NO Kevin.