(GSL) – Last month, GunNews brought you information on the new so-called “Safe Storage” law which took effect January 1st (Happy New Years, suckers!). This is the new law that mandates you to chain your firearms in a safe. Why? So home intruders and thugs can enjoy a stress-free time robbing and raping your family while you fumble for keys like it’s a very bad escape-room date.
As usual, GunNews remains on the cutting edge of news and information for our readers. Or, put another way, your front-row seat to the alcoholic clown show that is Springfield gun “policy.”
The Illinois State Police have now unleashed a barrage of those heartwarming PSAs (see above)—complete with soft piano music and concerned actors—begging you to lock up your guns. Because clearly, the greatest danger in Illinois isn’t the armed felon with priors longer than a CVS receipt; it’s that you might be able to access your Glock and shoot a bad guy graveyard dead in the middle of the night. Yes, Virginia, every career criminal from Cairo to Waukegan is probably framing these ads on their wall: “Illinois is keeping us safe! Thanks, Pritzker!”
Fail to turn your house into a literal gun prison? Congratulations, you’re now on the hook for fines, civil lawsuits from the very criminals (or their ambulance-chasing attorneys), and maybe even criminal negligence if your stolen gun ends up in the “wrong” hands doing bad things. The state calls it accountability. We call it legalized extortion with extra steps.
Want to sidestep this glorious government gotcha and actually be able to defend your family when seconds count? Get every warm body in your household a FOID card. Yes, even the ones who still need help tying their shoes.
Spouse/significant other? FOID them yesterday.
Teenagers rolling their eyes at you before they can drive? FOID application + birth certificate = instant Second Amendment junior membership.
Little Timmy who just turned one? Photocopy that birth certificate, include a baby photo, get your signature as the non-prohibited parent/guardian, and watch Springfield hand him official permission to exercise a right they pretend doesn’t exist for kids.
“Oh but I only have antiques/black powder/replica wall-hangers/BB guns!” Cute. Illinois law laughs in your face and classifies anything from a functional flintlock to your kid’s high-powered air rifle (over .177 cal or 700 fps) as a “firearm” under the safe-storage rules. So that rusty musket over the fireplace? Still counts. That Red Ryder that could put an eye out? It might count – let us chrono it. Your “non-functional” display piece that Grandpa swore was deactivated? Better hope the prosecutor agrees, or enjoy the lawsuit lottery. Double penalties if it has the bayonet attached. Drive-by bayonetings might be a thing in some neighborhoods.
In the People’s Republic of Pritzker, the only thing more predictable than rising taxes is the anti-gun state’s political leaders salivating over your misfortune.
So go nuclear: FOID-card the whole bloodline. Grandkids, nieces, nephews, that weird cousin who shows up unannounced with a sob story—get ‘em all carded. When the family Thanksgiving turns into a home-invasion horror movie, at least nobody’s getting prosecuted for “unauthorized access” while they’re dialing 911 with one hand and popping caps into home invaders with the other. “You picked the wrong house, pal!”
You might save a life. You might save your bank account from activist lawyers. At minimum, you’ll rob the gun-grabbers of their favorite “See? See? Negligent gun owner!” headline.
Stay frosty, get FOIDed-up, and keep laughing at the absurdity—because if you don’t, you run the risk of an anxiety attack and they’ll think they’re winning.
GunNews: Still telling it like it is, while the state tells you to shut up and lock it up.